It was a dark and foggy morning. The fog was so thick you had to cut it with a knife. The morning was so early, even the moon hadn’t gone to bed yet. It was so dark, a blind man could see better than I could. I stumbled into my office, and sat down to a breakfast of Johnny Walker red. I sat around, for hours and hours. I sat around so much I wore a groove into my seat. I drank so much that I fell asleep until the next morning. That was when SHE walked in. All curves, not a straight edge or corner to be seen. I had sworn off women ever since a man hired me to find out if his wife was cheating on him and I learned that his wife was my secretary and the man I was investigating was me. In fact I lit out of town the instant I figured that out. I decided I was going to be alone forever. That is until she walked in. She didn’t walk in again, I simply said it again to emphasize it. The woman turned out to be my mom, and she had baked me some cookies. Cookies so good you would have shot Betty Crocker just to taste them. She also brought me the newest Nick Bounty Mystery, A Case of the Crabs. Okay maybe it was the first, how was I to know? Actually maybe she brought me the website address of Pinhead Games developers of the Nick Bounty games. I don’t really remember, see I was drinking. In fact this may have just been some creative wordplay because Nick Bounty is a comedy adventure mystery type game. Now that I had wasted some space talking about myself in the third person I was ready to start the review.
Archive for May, 2009
A Case of the Crabs: A Nick Bounty mystery!
Thursday, May 14th, 2009New Star Grand Prix – It’s time to burn some rubber.
Wednesday, May 13th, 2009
Okay I’ve got a confession to make. No, not that kind of confession. Sheesh, what kind of person do you think I am?!? Okay what is this big shocking confession I have? I don’t drive. Yep that’s it. I’m 33 years old, and I’ve never actually driven. I’ve had my driver’s permit when I was a teen, but there was no time usually to teach me driving. So here I am I live with my Dad, and anywhere that needs drivin’ he does it. Okay so now we’ve got that out of the way, let’s just say I like racing games. I’m not usually very good at them, but I enjoy them. Okay so with that in mind let’s sit back and imagine what it’s like to be behind the wheel of one of these formula 1 jobs, or whatever. I’m strapped into this tiny cockpit. If I was claustrophobic I would probably be panic right now, but I’m cool. Cool in the sense of being okay, but definitely not cool in the sense of body temperature. In fact I’m burning up. The fact that it’s an open cockpit gives me no relief as i’m snug in my flame retardant jumpsuit, all wrapped up like a present on Christmas. Pretty wrapping too as I’m wearing all kinds of patches from various sponsors. My helmet makes it certain that I can only see what’s directly in front of me, like blinders on a wary horse. The gloves fitting on my hands like a second skin. I grip the steering wheel, just waiting to be let go. The car is humming underneath me. Suddenly the lights go out, or turn green, or a checkered flag is dropped, pick your poison, all that matters is that it’s go time. Suddenly I fly out and I can feel the road vibrate underneath me as I’m reaching unheard of speeds.
(xblig) A Fading Melody – Or why I learned to stop worrying and love naked chicks.
Wednesday, May 13th, 2009
Thought that might get your attention hehe. I’m only referring to A Fading Melody’s silhouetted heroine. She’s not really naked as such. It’s just an outline. In any case, I wouldn’t deliberately review anything that really had naked chicks in it, I mean, this is a family blog after all. Well I mean everyone in the family can read without feeling offended. In any case this game is just not like that, so stop wishing! Now I told you to stop that! Go look at some mud flaps or something. Even they are a little more “explicit” than this game is. Okay okay so let’s get on to the game. A Fading Melody is a platform game made for Xbox Live Community Games by Anchorcast, (Christian Seehausen). Here’s the official description of the game – “Bring color and light back into the world of a coma patient as you run, leap, and roll your way through seven challenging levels. Fight off the fading darkness by stomping monsters, and watch as color returns to the black-and-white world of the game. A deep and powerful story unfolds as you progress through the levels. Discover how you got into the coma even as you fight your way out of it!”